Ladies, this one’s for you. I’m asking you to go there with me. Can we talk about clothing with some self-reflection and honesty? I have heard that I should dress modestly my whole life, but in practice, I really didn’t get it.
You see, I grew up in the ’80s and had a very young (loving and amazing, yes, but young) mother. I remember going to school wearing a patch that tied in the back with strings. Seriously, the “shirt” had no back at all and my whole stomach was exposed. Paired with some matching shortie shorts, my outfit was complete. Off to 2nd grade I went to glue the art projects and learn some math. That’s just how it was back then, and nobody seemed to care.
Fast forward to high school where I wore bikinis to the pool, tiny shorts, dance team outfits, and tight clothing. I always chose my jeans based on how good I looked in them, and I pranced up and down the bleachers at the ball games. I strolled the mall with a pep in my step, smiling at the cute boys as I passed by, and I was secretly thrilled when I caught them watching me walk (ok, priss) away. I knew what sex appeal was and I was itching to try it out.
I’d known several girls I called “holiness” growing up. They wore long skirts, had long hair, and other than that, seemed to live just like the rest of us. I knew I wasn’t of a holiness denomination, so I dressed like basically everyone else I knew. And boy does that window swing wide among Christians and non-Christians alike! I don’t know how many women I’ve seen sporting a form-fitted, bedazzled t-shirt reading, “Jesus is Good for my Soul,” or some similar nonsense. Paired with tight capris, leopard print flip-flops (also bedazzled), rhinestone sunglasses, and BAM, there’s a Christian outfit right there! “Look at me, Y’all! I love Jesus. See? His name is right here across my…ehem…chestal area.”
Oh, bless your heart.
Though I’ve never done that one specifically, I’ve certainly had my face-palm outfits, so I’m just as guilty. I think collectively, we’ve missed the mark as Christians.
The barometer for us ladies should be, “If I didn’t tell you I was a Christian, would you even know?” In this case, could you tell by the way I dress? For years, the answer to my style was no. Today, I am much more confident your guess would be yes. I am a modestly dressed, head-covering Christian woman, and it’s taken me years to get here. You can read about my head-covering testimony here, but back to the focus for today…
I have four main clothing goals. My clothes must:
- Be made of the right materials
- Be modest
- Be feminine
- Help me reduce stress
I strive to be covered, to look like a lady, to bring honor to my precious husband, and most importantly, to bring honor to God. Many kinds of clothing can achieve these goals but let me share some of my experiences in case it helps some of you.
The first thing I want to say is if you’re going to do a deep dive into your closet, please read my article about mixed fabrics before you make any big decisions.
Second, take a good look at each piece of your clothing. Pray about it, put it on, move around, sit, stand, spin, and bend over in front of a mirror. Did it pass the test of keeping you covered? If so, great! If not, toss it!
For part of my stent in the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) arena, I wore only skirts or dresses. No pants shalt come about these legs! And boy if they did, I could feel the big stinkeye from those church members all the way into my home, even while wearing them in private! Other churches didn’t care. I was blessed enough to experience both types so I could discern for myself what the Bible says and how I felt I honored God best.
Wearing only skirts or dresses brought about some positive things. I felt set apart, which is what God calls me to be. I felt like a lady, which God tells me to be. I had fewer options to choose from, so there was less vacillating over what outfit to wear, and less distraction from my ultimate focus, God.
Were there any negatives from the no-pants days? Of course! One, a skirt or dress is not always modest, especially in high winds! I’ve literally had my skirt fly over my head twice in public and many close calls. Too many. You can wear the shorts, etc. but nothing underneath that skirt is going to be modest. In my cases, the poor parents in the car line, and the church attendees that Sunday, are now scarred for life. Second, it is easy to accidentally tuck a long skirt into your underwear while using the restroom and then walk through the airport completely oblivious. I’m not saying I did that, but the security cameras would out me for sure. Yikes! Third, it’s not always functional to wear a skirt. I don’t know how many times I got tangled and nearly tripped going up and down bleachers, for example. Sometimes, pants are just easier and safer! Fourth, and this is the one I really want you to hear, is that I felt a guilt associated with wearing pants during that time, and it wasn’t coming from the Holy Spirit. I felt guilty because the church made me feel guilty. And I can tell you for certain, that the Bible does not say women can’t wear pants.
All that said, you have to decide for yourself what’s best for you and your walk with God.
I’ve recreated my wardrobe many times and wasted so much money doing it. Don’t be like me. This is why I am sharing my story so you can try to get it right sooner and save some money! Today, I wear mostly dresses because they suit my frame, and there is no extra distraction of having to match a top and a bottom. I do have to be really careful when using airport restrooms, but now I check the mirror for front and back coverage. Lesson learned! I have a couple of pairs of pants for those situations when I feel more modest in pants or my footing needs to be solid, when I’m lounging at home, or when I feel like wearing them! No guilt! They are modest, cover well, and I still feel like a lady in them. To keep it simple, most of my dresses are solid colors, and though that may seem boring, it’s been a game-changer for my stress levels.
Here’s why. Let me share a typical morning of pure wasted energy several months ago.
I wake up, stretch, and wander into the closet. I feel like wearing a skirt today. Pull one out. No pockets in this one, but ok. I pick it anyway because I’m “in the mood” for this style. But wait. Do I have a clean shirt that matches? Oh ok, here’s one. Well, my stomach sticks out a little in that shirt, but it’s the only one that works, so it is what it is. Note to self, cut the carbs. Now for the head covering. Hmm, I don’t have one in this color blue. Well, this one could work but not with this shirt. Hang on, will this do? Well, if I switch to this other skirt, that could work. Oh, but I wanted to wear those comfy shoes and they don’t look right with this outfit at all.
You feel that stress? Who needs it? I was so tired of the choices! I’m over it. Who says we need a closet full of clothes anyway? Retailers, that’s who. Certainly not God.
So that’s where I am today, and I am going to keep pairing down and simplifying until I can fit all my clothes into one suitcase (update, I finally did it!), and there is no wasted time every day figuring out what I’m going to wear. Whether you want simplicity or not, or whether you agree with the mixed fabrics or not, I do encourage you to at least consider the two others: modesty and femininity. We have a responsibility and a privilege to bring the classy ladies back to life! Think about it. Pray about it. Listen to how God is leading you.
Fully immersed in The Scarlet Letters.