I was saved when I was seven years old at a Nazarene church camp, and I believe the Lord really did save me in that moment. It was a warm, breezy summer night in the ’80s. We had church in the tabernacle, which was open on three sides and as we worshipped the Lord, we were blessed to fully experience the gorgeous sunset. We could see the beautiful layers of color. We could feel its calm presence envelop us. The air was now noticeably charged and felt nearly electric as we drew it into our lungs. As the sky transitioned from the bright day to dusk, and then to night, the mood followed right along. We were so carefree all day, playing and laughing, but now it was time to get serious. We needed to focus on God and His Word, and we could feel the somberness of the change.

At seven years old, I didn’t have a lifetime of sins, but I knew I wasn’t perfect, and I was sorry for the sins I had committed. I also wanted desperately to be a child of God. I wanted His love and for Him to call me His own more than anything. The Holy Spirit called me to move from my seat, so I did! I dropped down at the altar and I prayed my little heart out with my Sunday School teacher and my sister there by my side. It was a beautiful experience and a defining moment in my life.

I was baptized in a creek, which fits my nature-loving personality perfectly, and I continued to attend a Nazarene church until my high school years. I even received an award for not missing a single church service in 11 years. I was in the building every time the doors were open, but while I grew from a kid to a teen inside those walls, I didn’t grow very much spiritually. I am embarrassed to admit now that I read Metal Edge magazines on the back row instead of paying attention. When my friends were having more fun over at the Baptist church, I decided to give that a try instead.

Baptist churches, and non-denominational churches with a skew toward the Baptist statement of faith, are where I felt at home. This is where I really thrived. Don’t misunderstand, I had my share of commitment issues! I had bouts of pure laziness, where my attendance was spotty at best. I had moments of rebellion, where I just struggled to behave as I should. But the Holy Spirit kept me convicted and I always came back to the church. A nomad at heart, I moved and switched churches a few times, but the Baptist life was basically the same, and a true Baptist I was to the core.

I did all the things. Seriously. I sang in the choir, put on puppet shows, helped in children’s church, taught Awana classes, made crafts, taught Vacation Bible School, hauled kids to church, went soul-winning, baked desserts, made casseroles, prayed with people, and prayed for people. Oh, and the holidays? I was IN! I helped with Christmas plays, hid Easter eggs, made games for Trunk or Treats, and prepped for Valentine’s dinners. I genuinely loved being a part of the church. I felt loved and appreciated by my church families and I believed I was really doing the LORD’s work, and that felt good. Really, really good. And, even better, there’s a good ol’ Baptist church within a short drive of most American addresses, so there was never a worry of not finding like-minded believers.

I put forth a casual Christian effort to learn the Bible. I often expressed questions to teachers and pastors about things I didn’t understand and took their word for the explanations because, after all, they went to seminary. They were the leaders, so they must be right. Right?

Well, one weekend in 2015, my husband and I were digging deep into our beliefs and talking about how we felt unsettled. I was reading in the Old Testament and some things just weren’t adding up. What if there was more to this than I’d been led to believe? How much of what I read aligned with what I had been taught as a Baptist? Well, not enough to feel confident, honestly. I saw some big red flags and I had questions. Lots and lots of questions.

I’ll share a few.

Why are there so many versions of the Bible? How common were these giants and what happened to them? What about the Sabbath in the Ten Commandments? Is it really Sunday and is church enough to “keep it holy”? What about holidays we celebrate that don’t line up with Biblical feasts? Am I really allowed to eat pork and non-scaly fish? I’m not Jewish so does any of the law apply to me?

And what about the New Testament? I had some questions there, too. What happened to the people who resurrected when Jesus died? How could the rapture happen and people still not believe God is real? Will it be a fake alien deception? How does the millennial reign work? What about Satan being loosed? How are our transformed bodies going to interact with humans after we are raptured and returned for the millennial reign? Where does the anti-Christ come from? How will people really be that deceived? What if someone takes the mark of the beast but then gets saved? There must be converted Christians in the millennial reign because they are the martyrs under the altar in heaven. Right? I was so lost and confused.

Oh, and my ultimate question that pretty much sums up all other questions: What does the Bible say, rather than what I’ve been told?

My husband and I decided to find a KJV-only Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) church and continue learning with an emphasis on digging deeper. We met with the pastor and presented all our questions.

The answers we got were similar to answers from past conversations I’d had with church leaders, and basically fell into two categories: “You are not Jewish, you are a Gentile,” and “You are part of the Church Age.” Don’t get me wrong, some of these people were very intelligent and loving people, but the answers fell short. In a nutshell, here’s what they had to say:

• You don’t need to keep the Biblical feasts; those are for the Jews.
• You can eat whatever you want because of Peter’s dream on the rooftop. Clean and unclean eating is only for the Jews.
• Jesus is your Sabbath, so you don’t need to worry about “keeping a day” each week. Besides, we have church on Sunday, which is the Sabbath, so you’re good.
• Holidays? Oh, I just love Christmas! A Savior is born, Amen! God made all days good, so it’s ok to celebrate traditional holidays as long as you give glory to Him.
• You don’t need to worry about the end times because you’ll be raptured before you go through the tribulation.
• The millennial reign is…ummm…it’s complicated. I don’t really know how the millennial reign works, but it’s going to be awesome! Aren’t you glad you’re a Christian?!?!

I kept chugging along for a while, still confused but thinking I just had more to learn about the Bible. I was still so unsettled so I just kept digging. God’s Word is the absolute truth and I decided to read it without the lens of Baptist doctrine and the Schofield commentary. I am trying to live up to God’s expectations as best as I can. Period. I’ve been digging, learning, unlearning, growing, discerning, rejecting, and praying, and I’ll continue to do that until I take my last earthly breath. Then, I can ask the experts face-to-face!

This plan has dramatically changed my life and it is often very lonely. What I have learned has pulled me out of local churches, pushed my intelligence to its limits (y’all pray for me on that one, please?), and created a hunger in me to never stop trying to do what God really requires of me. Yes, requires. Another word might be…commands? Think on that. I’ve decided if the Bible says to do it, I’ll try my best to do it. If the Bible says to not do it, I’ll try my best to not do it. I am going to do what I believe is right until I read scripture that tells me I got it wrong.

You may think, well, that’s what every Christian does, don’t they? I thought that, too. But my life certainly looks different now that the Holy Spirit ripped those Baptist goggles off my face. I’m describing that moment with forceful, dramatic language because it truly hurt! It was painful and it changed my view entirely. I depended on those goggles! Those goggles were the only way I knew how to see. But my, how freeing it is to see the truth instead.

Please hear my sincere heart on this. I’m no Bible scholar, and I don’t think I know more than anyone else. I’m just ready to share my story to let you know you are not alone if you have questions. We can all keep learning, unlearning, and relearning.

I am challenging you to do THE thing. Not “all the things” like I listed earlier in serving your church. THE thing is…read your Bible! I recommend KJV because of my research. Read it without a commentary at first, but with the Strong’s Concordance if you can get your hands on one. Then read trusted commentaries only after you’ve read for yourself. Check out the e-Sword Bible app (free for PC and a nominal fee for other devices) or the Blue Letter Bible (free), and I recommend Matthew Henry’s commentaries included in both apps. Read the Bible for yourself and pray about what you’re reading. Trust the Holy Spirit’s conviction when you feel it! I’ll write about things I have learned and things I’m still learning. I urge you to find your own revelations as you read through for yourself. Brothers and sisters, we’ve got to be…

Fully immersed in The Scarlet Letters.